It is interesting for me to see how different my children are from one another. They all possess similar DNA from my wife and I and all have bits and pieces of each of us in them but they react and feel so uniquely. It’s an aspect of parenting I wasn’t quite ready for. Each of my children needs me to parent them in a different way. What works for one child doesn’t work for the others. There is no one way to parent my children and I am guessing this is true for you as well.
I realized along the path of parenting that I had to stop my lazy thinking and really learn about my children. Sure, in many ways I’m shaping them, challenging them to grow, helping them through the tough things in their life and disciplining them when the need arises. What I really needed to do what figure out how each of my children will hear what I have to say which means I have to listen to them. Really work hard to listen to their struggles, their desires and watch how they react to what life puts in front of them. It’s really easy not to listen and simply parent in one way that is most comfortable to me. I can easily assume that because I was once a child that their experiences will all be the same as mine and while many will be similar the impact of events will be perceived differently by each of them.
I encourage you as a parent to lead strongly and listen intently to your children. Only then will you understand how best to communicate with your children in ways that will make sense to them. Of course, if you do it right, your kids will still tell you they hate you. Good for you!